I Got My Eye On You.....1982

• Condi Rice converts from Democrat to Republican.

• Nell Carter converts to fucking Judaism.

• My sister was born putting me out of my misery of being the middle child.

1982 was quite a year for black women, I mean what was going on? For a black person EVER in the last 5 generations to have been a Republican is appalling. Hell it's damn right absurd! What was Condi thinking*? And why the heck, Nell Carter, did you make the switch**? Was it because of your secret lesbian lover? Huh? Yeah, I'm still not over it. And GG, I don't know what I would have become without your presence (and for placing me higher up in the birth order). I truly appreciate it. You rock my world baby sis!!

-von (7/15/07)

*The term 'thinking' may also be substituted with 'smoking' (it was the 80's) or 'selling' (I've got my theories...).
**Sammy Davis converts in 1954, and thank God the numbers don't add up to equal the same or else it would have been some serious shit. Serious. Shit.

Lesbian Twins?

The occurrence of lesbian sisters is like the birth of twins. It's pretty rare and more often than not is hereditary. Yet I know two sets of lesbian sisters and only one set of twins. Shout out to April and Amy from the 4th grade! J.A.M. for life!!

Lesbian sisters, especially when there are 3 or less sisters in the fam, is a foreign concept to me. I come from a family of four sisters and only one is queer. Most of the queer people I know are the only queer ones in their immediate family. I imagine the parents of these queer siblings searching for a reason on how they produced more than one queer child. Was it the family football league? Alligator wrestling camp? Pippi Longstocking?

At the same time, I wonder if I deem this bizarre because the idea of queerness being an oddity to heterosexual norms is so deeply ingrained within me. Why must it be bizarre? Like breeds like, families breed similar traits, normalcy is relative. The fact that another sibling arrives queer should make people nod in understanding. "ah, well, they already had one, it makes sense." Am I wrong? Three out of four siblings in my family are straight. Weird! *right?*

-von
7/14/07

Von in Translation

Okay, so over the last.....month or so, I've been making little notes of blog ideas that I thought I'd develop further later and post within a few days. WELL, those few days came and went and my elaboration on these things did not. So, in turn, to get it off my desktop, here are a few items.

July 14, 2007
I'm so tired of media attacking Rosie O'donnel. Headlines: Rosie lashes out at Trump and Hasselbitch. Lashes out? Will someone please remember that Rosie is first and foremost a comedian. And during standup comedy routines, she makes jokes about people who have publicly attacked her on a personal level in response to her political/lifestyle jabs at them. this is so dirty balling. i can't take it. las cucarachas entran pero no pueden salir. translation: no sir, i don't like it.

-von

Kinda In The News...

This is Representative William J. Jefferson, who is facing trial next year on charges of bribery, racketeering, conspiracy, money laundering and obstruction of justice. He has pleaded not guilty to the charges. He will be playing the role of himself. I will be playing the role of his conscience, in the voice of a black woman... **clearing throat**

Oh I see you, sitting there, with that broke down look. Sitting there in the shadow of your emancipator. Damn! What? You too far gone to get up and move so the photographer wouldn't catch you looking pitiful? You get no sympathy from me. You know how many black men I've seen with that same look? If I had a quarter for every time... I'd have no trouble finding change for laundry, cause I'd have enough quarters to buy a washer/dryer for my house.

Here's the thing, I wanted to believe you. I always want to believe you. But damn! You then go and do some seriously niggerous shit. You hide 90,000 dollars in your fridge, wrapped it in foil and stash it in food containers. That's some drug dealer shit... New Jack City.

What was wrong with what you had? You are a congressman, Sir. Sitting in the shadow of Lincoln. You know he didn't free the slaves because of the milk of human kindness flowing from his heart. It was politics. Was this just politics? George Bush had to bail you out. You know you're wrong when that happens. Wrong. Black man, get your shit together, you are 60 years old. Fucking around trying to bribe Africans. Ain't nothing right with that sentence. Just cause you see white folks doing shit, doesn't mean you can do it. AND I KNOW you've seen white Congressmen and Senators doing things in the same vein. You're not them.

Think about it... if you were white, they wouldn't have caught you crying to Lincoln, they would have stalked you till you went crying to Washington. Think about it. -mel