i do all day

i look at the trades all day and it kills me.
i know whats gonna happen on tv before most of the people
outside of CA does, and it gives me a headache. i want to get lost in tv again!!
i want to be excited about whats going on and whats coming up! i want to be moved by what i see again.

i chased the dog of the guy who produces dancing with the stars. i was called a doll by ron jeremy. i was cursed out by one of the reality people on chef jeff.

ignorance was bliss.

FAVORITE. THING. OF. THE. DAY. - Oona

At first, you think 'Ugh, another kid thing'. But then, like magic, you're saying 'OMG! another kid thing!

FAVORITE. THING. OF. THE. DAY. - Oh Snap

OH SNAP! I love saying it. I love hearing it. I especially love hearing it when Bill Nye is saying it (brilliance!!). Here are the official rules of using it.




IF YA DON'T KNOW, NOW YA KNOW!
-von

FAVORITE. THING. OF. THE. DAY. - Scarflette

So, my froworker (friend/coworker) Michelle came into my office last week to show me her latest knitting project. Not only did it bring tears to my eyes at its beauty and warm my heart, it spawned the creation of a new blog category!

I introduce you to the scarflette. Note how warm it looks. How perfectly it fits around your neck. The color choice and pattern are also quite delish. Position the buttons anywhere just for the style you want. My favorite winter accessory thus far.





Incidentally, as much joy as this scarflette brought me, my revelation of its greatness to mel created sadness. We have a history of me correctly guessing my xmas gift from her and she does not appreciate it. at all. As hard as she works to think about a good gift, I now work equally as hard to NOT let my brain solve for x. how was I to know that Michelle's beautiful project was the answer? So now i don't get it for christmas. But I still get to gaze upon its greatness. - von

Photography by Aude Prachandsitthi. Model - Michelle Brady, scarflette knitter.

The List - Handicap Stall Etiquette

Okay, I feel I may have alienated some readers (maybe there ARE some other than mel and von) with my last posting. But give it a chance, read it thru, and you'll see it was affirmatively actioned. :)

On a much lighter note, a post by fellow blogger Szu-hua inspired a new M&V blog category: The List. To start things off, here is my list of Public Handicap Stall Etiquette, aka places NOT to be caught using the handicap stall. Having an elderly or truly handicapped person waiting on you when you exit is an experience I don't wish on anyone. Except maybe my enemies.

In no particular order, here is the list:
1. The Library
2. Any theater playhouse or opera hall
3. Major chain restaurants that have an apostrophe 's', i.e. Applebee's and Denny's
4. At church, any denomination
5. At the Y

This list is, unfortunately, created from experience. Feel free to add to the list or share your story of handicap stall woe.
-von

Fuckin' White People

I peruse the internet quite often while at work. And many times I have mental notes on people, things they do, how they look, the basics. Yesterday while viewing a myspace page, I came across this:



Thank you kien, you have prompted a new category of blog topic for von. FUCKIN' WHITE PEOPLE. ALWAYS go and take some shit that is black, not fully understanding the reason nor purpose nor concept of it. von is not fully condoning the use of "nigger" in the black community. there is a time and place for using it, and personally i do not think any liberties of its use should ever occur in the presence of non-black people. but because mainstream white people idolize black culture so much, they want to use and do whatever the fuck we do. No matter how INAPPROPRIATE or out of context.

Now, before you start screaming at me all upset like, know that von is a firm believer in affirmative action. This category isn't just for white people, it's all encompassing. In review of this here blog, von recalled that mel wrote a piece about a black Representative in D.C. who is facing trial on charges of bribery, racketeering and other such gangster dealings. This is a shining example of FUCKIN' BLACK PEOPLE. Work hard, get to the top and fuck it all up because why? Somebody wanted to play hard and keep connected to the machismo of life on the streets.

So who's next? Mexicans? Chinese? Russians? Ya'll got something for me? God I hope not.

-von

Black History Month

Well, it is that time of year again. 28 days, this year 29, where McDonald's reminds us that Black History is 365 days of the year (366 this year). And they are absolutely correct. I'm not going to relay a list of facts of and inventions by Black folks. No. Instead I want to share two videos I've recently encountered that very much celebrate the struggles from which we came and the promise of our futures.

Who is Sarah Baartman?

Yes, We Can!


-von

This _______ by Von

I've recently come across several elements in life, online, and in mind that have made me ask the question of its existence in statement form. Case in point:

THIS COST $340


Yup. It does. I know. WTF!?? Yup.



So join me next time for the latest installment of This ______ by Von.
**cue closing muzak and credits**

I Got My Eye On You.....1982

• Condi Rice converts from Democrat to Republican.

• Nell Carter converts to fucking Judaism.

• My sister was born putting me out of my misery of being the middle child.

1982 was quite a year for black women, I mean what was going on? For a black person EVER in the last 5 generations to have been a Republican is appalling. Hell it's damn right absurd! What was Condi thinking*? And why the heck, Nell Carter, did you make the switch**? Was it because of your secret lesbian lover? Huh? Yeah, I'm still not over it. And GG, I don't know what I would have become without your presence (and for placing me higher up in the birth order). I truly appreciate it. You rock my world baby sis!!

-von (7/15/07)

*The term 'thinking' may also be substituted with 'smoking' (it was the 80's) or 'selling' (I've got my theories...).
**Sammy Davis converts in 1954, and thank God the numbers don't add up to equal the same or else it would have been some serious shit. Serious. Shit.

Lesbian Twins?

The occurrence of lesbian sisters is like the birth of twins. It's pretty rare and more often than not is hereditary. Yet I know two sets of lesbian sisters and only one set of twins. Shout out to April and Amy from the 4th grade! J.A.M. for life!!

Lesbian sisters, especially when there are 3 or less sisters in the fam, is a foreign concept to me. I come from a family of four sisters and only one is queer. Most of the queer people I know are the only queer ones in their immediate family. I imagine the parents of these queer siblings searching for a reason on how they produced more than one queer child. Was it the family football league? Alligator wrestling camp? Pippi Longstocking?

At the same time, I wonder if I deem this bizarre because the idea of queerness being an oddity to heterosexual norms is so deeply ingrained within me. Why must it be bizarre? Like breeds like, families breed similar traits, normalcy is relative. The fact that another sibling arrives queer should make people nod in understanding. "ah, well, they already had one, it makes sense." Am I wrong? Three out of four siblings in my family are straight. Weird! *right?*

-von
7/14/07

Von in Translation

Okay, so over the last.....month or so, I've been making little notes of blog ideas that I thought I'd develop further later and post within a few days. WELL, those few days came and went and my elaboration on these things did not. So, in turn, to get it off my desktop, here are a few items.

July 14, 2007
I'm so tired of media attacking Rosie O'donnel. Headlines: Rosie lashes out at Trump and Hasselbitch. Lashes out? Will someone please remember that Rosie is first and foremost a comedian. And during standup comedy routines, she makes jokes about people who have publicly attacked her on a personal level in response to her political/lifestyle jabs at them. this is so dirty balling. i can't take it. las cucarachas entran pero no pueden salir. translation: no sir, i don't like it.

-von

Kinda In The News...

This is Representative William J. Jefferson, who is facing trial next year on charges of bribery, racketeering, conspiracy, money laundering and obstruction of justice. He has pleaded not guilty to the charges. He will be playing the role of himself. I will be playing the role of his conscience, in the voice of a black woman... **clearing throat**

Oh I see you, sitting there, with that broke down look. Sitting there in the shadow of your emancipator. Damn! What? You too far gone to get up and move so the photographer wouldn't catch you looking pitiful? You get no sympathy from me. You know how many black men I've seen with that same look? If I had a quarter for every time... I'd have no trouble finding change for laundry, cause I'd have enough quarters to buy a washer/dryer for my house.

Here's the thing, I wanted to believe you. I always want to believe you. But damn! You then go and do some seriously niggerous shit. You hide 90,000 dollars in your fridge, wrapped it in foil and stash it in food containers. That's some drug dealer shit... New Jack City.

What was wrong with what you had? You are a congressman, Sir. Sitting in the shadow of Lincoln. You know he didn't free the slaves because of the milk of human kindness flowing from his heart. It was politics. Was this just politics? George Bush had to bail you out. You know you're wrong when that happens. Wrong. Black man, get your shit together, you are 60 years old. Fucking around trying to bribe Africans. Ain't nothing right with that sentence. Just cause you see white folks doing shit, doesn't mean you can do it. AND I KNOW you've seen white Congressmen and Senators doing things in the same vein. You're not them.

Think about it... if you were white, they wouldn't have caught you crying to Lincoln, they would have stalked you till you went crying to Washington. Think about it. -mel

Wakowwwww!!!!!

That's my battle cry... u like?? =)I started a new martial arts class last night. You know how I take trapeze, right? Well, they are shut down for the summer and I need to get a jump on physical activity before the first day back. I'm so weak!!!

I'm taking filipino stick fighting! bitches! =op I've wanted to learn a weapon for some time. I have taken in the past kempo, fencing (sabre and foil), tried capoeira, hurt myself in muay thai and fell asleep in thai chi. Trapeze is currently the love of my life. We'll see how a feel about stick fighting in a few weeks. -mel

Wakowwwwwww!!!!!

Rats vs Man

In the News....

In Mumbai rats seem to be making a power play for the city. :)The city is being over run by the small creatures. There aren't enough rat catchers to slow the tide.

I like rats. They're smart. I think they are the smartest of all the rodents. When living in Indiana, I saw a rat slyly walking along the side of a building. It had to be around 7 in the morning, and he was taking his time. I thought he looked like a guy sneaking away from a woman's apt after a night of anonymous sex. ;) A few years later, in Chicago, I was downtown late. It was around 9. And I see a rat about to cross the street. He was standing on the empty side walk, looking both ways nerously. When he got the all clear, he bolted. He reminded me of a guy out for a night on the town who parked really far from the bar. ;)

I read rats are very similar to us behavior wise. They’re surprisingly self-aware. They laugh when tickled, especially when they’re young, and they have ticklish spots. I read they know what good sex is, they know what bad sex is. (That has to be the funniest thing I've read in ages.) And when they have reason to anticipate great sex, they give you every indication they’re looking forward to it. They wiggle and paw at their ears, hop and dart, stop and flash a come-hither look backward.

Metacognition, a talent previously detected only in primates has been seen in rats. They recognise what they know and what they don't know and size up their odds. When presented with unfamiliar situations rats for the most part err on the side of causion.

Rats don't have a size. They grow according to the food supply. So in theroy they can get huge. The biggest I've heard of got to the size of a cat, and took down pigeons. I want to see a rat take down a pigeon.

Anywho...all that being said, we should respect our neighbor the rat. One day, who knows, they might figure out how to use the internet, start wearing pants, and take over the world. They already have Mumbai. -mel

Rats in India!!
Rats are people too

What 'Black' Looks Like

In The News....

Just heard a great interveiw on NPR about Colorism in Latin America.
Audio File

It brought up very interesting things about Afro-Latin people I didn't know. For example, in the Dominican Republic blackness is determined by hair texture and not so much by color. But one thing is universal, no one wants to be called 'black'

Growing up in the time and place that I did. Being black wasn't the big issue. Being dark was. No one wanted to be dark. At the same time, no one wanted to be light. Being too light was just as bad. There was a safe place in the middle, a brown place that was safe for me as a child to sit. And I needed that place, because my cousins were cruel little heffers. I remember thanking God I was brown. My mom was light and my dad was dark, that left me with a color that fell in the middle of the black people spectrum. I have family that didn't.

My cousin Barbara is and was dark. Her younger sister was very light. The fights they would get into would always end up with one being called 'black' fill in the blank or 'yellow' fill in the blank. The daggers they threw were harsh. They would yell..."you black spook!' and "you yellow dog!". I'd sit very still and try to be ignored. That shit hurt and I wasn't even in the fight. 'You're so black you bleed tar' and 'You're so yellow you glow in the dark' Attacks on something you have no control over stays with you.

It's worse for girls. Being light is thought of as fem and dark masculine. Someone's color can determine if you date them or have kids with them. From the interveiw I heard it's very similar in Latin countries with lots of black people. But one thing is different. Since they don't have the black American history of black pride and general mild distain for white culture, being really light is ok.

I feel for the little girls in Cuba or The Dominican Republic or Brazil or any other coutry that has a color class war going on. I imagine they are praying to be lighter and have stright hair, like I was thanking God I was somewhere in the middle. -mel

In The News...

Oh...My...God

I just read an article that slaps of white arrogance and money privilege. The longtime chairman Ralph Papitto, of the Roger Williams University board, admitted Monday that he had used the N-word during a board meeting, saying it "kind of slipped out."He apologized, and I guess when asked about it again said, 'I apologized, what else can I do kill myself?' Ha! This old buzzard has balls. He's 80.

Papitto became irate when he discussed pressures to make the board more diverse, at one point using the slur to refer to black candidates. Anywho, he recently stepped down not because of the slur, but because of his age. If the story had ended there, I would have been content, no anger. But it went on.

He later said he had never used the term before. AND THIS FUCKING QUOTE."The first time I heard it was on television and then rap music or something," Papitto said. Now see... this is where I get angry. Why the fuck is he lying??? He is 80 years old, my ass he's never heard the word before!!

And the reason I'm not as upset about him saying 'the n word' is because he was born in 1927. Back before we were colored people. I think we were negros or negras or something like that. I'm guessing he got angry and had a 1950's flashback... I can't get mad at old people who say inappropriate things when they're angry, you see I have grandparents.

More specifically I have a grandfather who says things I close my eyes to and shake my head at, but he's 85. Wha'cha gonna do. He's been saying Oriental and Chinamen all his life, you think I'm gonna get him to say Asian?? Nope. Espeacially when he's mad.

The arrogance and gall it took to say he never used the word before, AND he never even HEARD the word before he saw it on tv or heard it in rap music gets me boiling. He must think everyone but him, is either stupid or crazy to say that shit with a straight face. This guy was eligible for social security before rap music was even invented. He's so the guy who gets caught cheating, mid sex act and then says, 'It was an accident!' This man needs to own his bigotry. It's not like we're gonna be all shocked. To him I may be a nigger, but I'm not a stupid nigger. And he's an old privileged bigoted lying bastard. Yeah, I said it! I own my words.

Article

In The News...

Yey!! Naked People!!

Did you know that in Vermont, the are no laws against public nudity. I say, 'Good for them!' =) But appearently some people are less than amused. Teens have taken to lounging naked downtown. Old men go to art fairs wearing nothing but a fanny pack. Ha! The town this all is happening in is thinking about creating a new law to ban this behavior. Boooo.

I say...It's cold there what, 9 months out of the year? And after being snowed in forever.. whats the harm in a little naked stroll?

There hasn't been a need for a law in the history of the state, lets let this one go. =) It might even help tourism. I know I'm seeing Vermont in a whole new light now. - mel

The Naked

Can I Get a Break?

last night mel and i received a business card covered with images of in/famous black lesbian and bisexual women. on the far right side behind bold lettering was a picture of what strongly appeared to be nell carter. i pushed it aside, ignored it. we talked about the other women on the card, who they were, "that doesn't look nothing like bessie smith"...but nothing about nell. time passes. mel points and says that looks like nell....
von: I don't know what you're saying.
mel: but von, why is nell car....
von: I DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
mel: von, that is ....
von: I DON'T....
mel: Nell....
NOTHING 'BOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i remember watching gimme a break as a kid. i loved nell carter. i so desperately wanted to be that fucking joey-from-blossom kid. i wanted her to grab me and place my head deep within her busting bosom as she held me and told me it was going to be alright....before vacuuming my bedroom floor. when i was driving home, mel called to tell me that yes it was nell carter and as she googled her, despicably whispering 'nell carter LESbian' as she typed, it was not NEW news to me that she had died poor and had 2 adopted children with her secret lesbian lover. i realized i had read that when she passed several years ago. but my mind just couldn't wrap itself around the idea that nell fucking carter, yo feets too big nell fucking carter, white boys nell carter, give me a muthafucking bitch ass g-damn break nell carter was a lesbian!! WHY IS THAT!??!?!?!? her presence to me is warm like a mothers. even though i have a wonderful strong courageous mother whom i adore greatly, i still wanted to be a part of nell's tv family. i wanted her to give me that shocked look, vibrant laughter and sing to me when i was down.

in a related side note, i saw a MOST AMAZING BLACK GAY TV SHOW last night entitled The DL Chronicles. Now, initially going into this i already had my arms crossed, lips pursed ready to be pissy as a baby beyotch. however, this episode was the best written black material i have seen in almost ever LET ALONE it's achievements as black GAY material. the acting, the story, the REALNESS!! the sexy love scene. wow. there was also a storyline in this episode that correlates to my feelings for nell carter's queerness. a father was closeted from his college aged daughter. his ex-wife knew before they married but they both believed his gayness could be cured by staying in the marriage. before he acted out in his homosexuality during their married years, the father shared with his wife the situation and they split up. BOTH agreeing never to tell their daughter. well, of COURSE the now college aged daughter sees her father giving his secret boyfriend a kiss on the forehead and questions the boyfriend about his relationship with her father. she was upset, torn, everything wasn't okay. and when her father and she finally sat down to discuss it, he said that he was trying to protect her, but she in turn said no, he was trying to protect himself. protect himself. he lied. and that is the issue at hand. for so many years she believed her father was one thing. she felt sorry for him that he never dated after the divorce thinking he was still hung up over her mother. so she treated him with a gentle approach of kindness and understanding not normally provided a father at all times. however, their relationship could have gone in a different direction had she known of her father's gayness and the real reason he never dated women after her parents' divorce.

nell, it is with a similar heart i approach thee. why didn't you say anything sooner? i would have still loved you. i do love you. and i love what you provided me in my youth and as an adult by being a fucking amazing actress and singer of the stage and screen. however, i feel such an emptiness that i never knew you as you truly were. so many years were removed from the deeply prolific faux relationship we could have had. it would have been so much more amazing to have known a black lesbian existed, you didn't have to be out of the closet with a flame attached to your ass. but you could have just been here. in the irreverent words of ms. celie from the color purple. i'm black. i'm a woman. i may even be ugly. but i'm here. I'M HERE! damn it nell, i wish i knew you were there.

-von